STATISTICS:

• About 1 in 3 high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.
• 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
• Teen dating violence most often takes place in the home of the partners.
  
• Abuse in dating relationships is common among teens. In the United States, 33% of teens reported some kind of abuse.
  
• Teen dating is like domestic violence in adults in that it also is a pattern of abusive behavior used to control another person. Teen dating abuse can include emotional or mental abuse, sexual abuse, and physical abuse.
  
• For teens, relationship abuse often takes the form of extreme possessiveness and jealousy. Abusers try to manipulate their dating partners by making all the decisions, putting them down in front of their friends, threatening to kill themselves, stalking them, or forcing them to have sex.
  
• Like adult domestic violence, teen relationship abuse affects all types of teens, regardless of money, grades, religion, race, etc.
  
• Unlike adult domestic violence in which women are more often the victim, in teen relationship abuse both boys and girls report abuse about equally.
• The pattern of abuse in teens is often similar to adult abuse with repeated violence that escalates over time. Often, the abuse quickly apologizes and promises to change. Sometimes teens do not have the experience or maturity to recognize that they are involved in an abusive relationship. **Source: (Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000)
  
  

HELPFUL TIPS FOR TEENS:

• Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
• Before leaving on a date, know exactly what the plans are and be sure that a parent and/or friend knows these plans and what time you are expected to be home.  Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.
• Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
• Assert yourself when necessary.  Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
  
• Trust your instincts!!! If a situation makes you feel uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation. 
  

If you suspect or know that you are in a dangerous or abusive relationship, consider the following:

• What adults can you tell about the violence and abuse?
• What people at school can you tell in order to be safe- teachers, principals, counselors, social worker, school resource officer, etc.?
• Consider changing your school locker or lock.
• Consider changing your route to/from school.
• Use a buddy system for going to school, classes or after school.
• What friends can you tell to help you remain safe?
• If stranded, who could you call for a ride home?
• Keep a journal describing the abuse.
• Get rid of or change the number to any beepers, pagers, or cell phones the abuse gave you.
• Keep spare change, calling cards and the number of the local shelter with you at all times.
• Where could you go quickly to get away from an abusive person?
  

Early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive:

    * Extreme jealousy
    * Controlling behavior
    * Quick involvement
    * Unpredictable mood swings
    * Alcohol and drug use
    * Explosive anger
    * Isolates you from friends and family
    * Uses force during an argument
    * Shows hypersensitivity
    * Believes in rigid sex roles
    * Blames others for his problems or feelings
    * Cruel to animals or children
    * Verbally abusive
    * Abused former partners
    * Threatens violence
**Source: Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence newsletter, Winter 1999


HELFPUL TIPS FOR PARENTS:

• Ask questions and encourage open discussion. Make sure you listen to your teen, giving them a chance to speak. Avoid analyzing, interruptions, lecturing or accusations.
• Keep it low key. Do not push if your teen is not ready to talk.
• Be supportive and nonjudgmental so that they know they can come to you for help if their relationship becomes unhealthy in the future.
• Reinforce dating should be fun! Stress that violence is never acceptable.
  
• Discuss options if your teen has if they witness dating violence or experience it themselves.
• Remind your teen that they have the right to say no and must respect the rights of others.
  
• If your teen is in a relationship that feels uncomfortable, awkward or frightening, assure them that they can come to you. And remember- any decisions they make about the relationship should be their own.

Common clues that indicate a teenager may be experiencing dating violence:

* Physical signs of injury
* Truancy, dropping out of school
* Failing grades
* Indecision
* Changes in mood or personality
* Use of drugs/alcohol
* Pregnancy
* Emotional outburst
* Isolation
**Source: Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence newsletter, Winter 1999


Cell phones are a great way to keep in touch with friends and family. However, they also can play a role in teen dating abuse. Because phone calls, texting and messaging allow you to be in constant communication, cell phones can be a powerful tool for abusers to monitor and control their girlfriends or boyfriends day and night.


If you are feeling threatened or suffocated by your partner’s constant need to keep track of you, it may be a sign that you are in an unhealthy and potentially dangerous relationship. If the person you are with says or does anything that makes you afraid, lowers your self-esteem, or manipulates or controls you, it is verbal or emotional abuse. Whether in person, online, or by phone, abuse is the same. You have the right to be in a safe and healthy relationship, free from all types of abuse.

Whether you feel like someone is already abusing or controlling you with a cell phone, or you want to prevent it from ever happening, here are some specific tips that can help you safely use your cell phone:

* Remember, it is always okay to turn off your phone. (Just be sure your parent or guardian knows how to contact you in an emergency.)
* Do not answer calls from unknown numbers. Your abuser can easily call you from another line if he/she suspects you are avoiding him/her.
* Do not respond to hostile, harassing, abusive or inappropriate texts or messages. Responding can encourage the person who sent the message. You won’t get the person to stop – and your messages might get you in trouble and make it harder to get a restraining order or file a criminal report.
* Many phone companies can block up to ten numbers from texting or calling you. Contact your phone company or check their website to see if you can do this on your phone.
* Remember that pictures on cell phones can be easily shared and distributed. Be careful what images you allow to be taken of you.
* If you are in or coming out of a dangerous relationship, you should not be using any form of technology to contact your abuser. It can be dangerous and may be used against you in the future.
* It may seem extreme, but if the abuse and harassment will not stop, changing your phone number may be your best option.


Social networking sites, like MySpace and Facebook, allow you to stay in constant contact with your friends and increase your social circle. But they can also allow others to monitor your life and use information to harm you. Because you provide personal information on profiles, blogs, and message boards, these sites also have the potential to be very dangerous.


It is important to build safe and healthy relationships, whether they are with people you know in person or online. When people talk about using social networking sites safely, they usually focus on strangers or predators. But, you are just as likely (if not more so) to be harassed or abused by someone you know. There are ways to have fun online and stay safe at the same time.

Here are some specific tips that can help you be safe online:
Don’t:

* Say or do anything online you wouldn’t in person. It may seem easier when you are not face to face, but this can get you into trouble.
* Post things you might not want people you don’t know seeing and knowing. While phone numbers and addresses obviously let people contact you directly, things like school and team names, landmarks and photos may also make it easier for people to find out where you live, hang out or go to school.
* Respond to harassing, abusive or inappropriate comments. It won’t make the person stop and it might get you in trouble or put you in danger.
* Use any form of technology to contact your abuser if you are in or coming out of a dangerous relationship. It can be dangerous and may be used against you in the future.
* Give your passwords to anyone (except your parent or guardian).
* Use the same password for all your accounts.

Do:

* Use the privacy preferences to keep your page as private as you can.
* Remember, it’s not just about you. If you post information or photos about your friends or family, you may also be putting them at risk.
* Save or keep a record of all harassing or abusive messages, posts, and comments, in case you decide to tell the police or get a protective order.
* Choose passwords that are hard to guess and change all passwords regularly.
* Change your usernames and email addresses if the abuse and harassment will not stop. It may seem extreme but it may be your best option.
* Report inappropriate behavior to the site administrators.
* Trust your instincts! If you think something is wrong or are feeling threatened, tell someone who can help you.
**SOURCE: www.thesafespace.org